In just about 48 hours we will be getting on an airplane heading to Boston. This is the third time I've been on a plane in the past year. I've dreaded the departure of each trip. And this one isn't any different.
When we first scheduled Reece's procedure in Boston, it seemed so far away. I think it was almost three months ago that we heard from Boston. I was worried then. But I had time to deal with it. Now, there is no time. It's here. I'm more scared now than I was for Reece's open heart surgery in December. On the outside, I'm sure it looks like I have it all together. But on the inside, I just want to cry. I want to scream. I want to be angry with all the other parents out there who don't have to experience this. I want to be stronger. I'm so absolutely terrified. And I have no idea how to make these feelings go away.
I know Reece will be in the best hands, but it doesn't make it any easier. Reece's new cardiologist here in Toledo is a friend of the doctor who will be performing Reece's heart catheterization. When he first told me that, I felt relived. Reece's cardiologist and the doctor who is going to save Reece's life. What a perfect combination. But then he said this: "Dr. Lock is a tremendous interventional cardiac catheterization doctor. You don't get much better than him. He really knows how to get out of trouble." At first this made me feel better. Reece's new surgeon knows how to get out of trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. I couldn't stop thinking about what he said. While at first I felt relieved, now it terrifies me. We can't have any "trouble." We experienced trouble during Reece's heart catheterization. And following that trouble was gut-wrenching news. As I said before, sending Reece to Boston was the easiest, most difficult decision we have ever had to make. But hearing things like that makes it even more difficult to get on this plane.
I'm certain we are going to get back on the plane next Thursday and head home as scheduled. I'm certain Reece's procedure will be a success. I'm certain future surgeries will be a success. And I'm certain Reece will live a long and happy life.
But sometimes, I'm not certain. And I feel like this trip just rubs it in my face.
I really have nothing more to write. I'm scared. And I don't want to continue writing that. Because everything is going to be OK.
Please continue to pray for our trip, Reece's procedure, the doctors, and future procedures. Please continue to pray for Reece's heart pressures to return to close as normal as possible and for his pulmonary arteries to grow. Please pray for healing. This little boy is so special. My heart aches when I think about not having him in my life. He has changed our lives forever. And I'M CERTAIN he will continue to move mountains.
I will keep everyone posted with all the specifics when we get to Boston.